2nd October 2010
Violence is the most popular method in solving problems, in disciplining and in controlling children and adults. Most often people resort to violence as they are not aware of other measures that could be resorted in resolving conflict and disciplining.
According to Mahathma Gandhi who advocated for peaceful negotiations and non-violence in solving problems, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” Based on Mahathma Gandhi’s philosophy of promoting a culture of peace, tolerance and understanding, 2nd October has been recognized as the SAARC Day of Non-Violence and the International Day of Non-Violence.
Commemorating the SAARC Day of Non-Violence 2010, let us look at how we could promote non-violence and a culture of peace by promoting positive disciplinary measures.
Positive discipline is a disciplinary method designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. It teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults.
When practicing positive disciplinary measures, all parties including children, together decide on rules for their mutual benefit. They also decide together on solutions that will be helpful to all concerned when they have problems. When the adult/ leader or the manager must use his/ her judgment without others input, he/she should use firmness with kindness, dignity and respect. Adults who are too strict and controlling have many rules that are created without any discussions with the parties involved and affected by the decision. In such cases, there is order but the price is no freedom, or choices. Children, co-workers, employees or members of a group can feel threatened, have little opportunity to learn to make good choices and often become defiant or too passive.
Adults, who are permissive, allow too much freedom and risk order with children or the adult members whom he/she is responsible to manage at various social spheres. Children, who grow up with permissive parents / teachers / care takers, will grow up without learning important life skills. They will become selfish and will disregard law and order not only at family level but also at social levels. If it is a social institution compromising of adults, the standards of the institution will diminish without proper law and order.
Positive discipline is based on the concept that all humans including children want to belong and contribute. When you think about it, no one behaves well by being shamed and made to feel guilty. There are better ways to help children and adults learn respect and take responsibility. With the positive discipline approach, all the persons involved in the action including children participate in making decisions that affect them based on limited choices that show respect for all involved. Rules and good behavior are encouraged and enforced with both firmness and kindness.
Nelsen provides four self-guide questions on creating long term, effective discipline. 1. Are you being respectful and encouraging? 2. Do your children/ workers feel as though they belong? 3. Is what you're doing effective long-term? 4. Does it teach them to be concerned about others, teach cooperation and accountability?
You can stop yelling, bribing, spanking and grounding. You can end the power struggles with children or with adults whom you are dealing with and improve the relationship you have with people around you. It is possible for you to raise a respectful and responsible child; and become an effective manager with positive relationships with your staff/ co-workers if you resort to positive disciplinary measures rather than violence.
According to Jane Nelsen Positive discipline helps children to feel a sense of connection (belonging and significance); it is mutually respectful and encouraging (kind and firm at the same time); is effective long-term (considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.); teaches important social and life skills. (respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.); invites people to discover how capable they are (encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)
Promoting positive disciplinary measures is an effective way to uphold non-violence and a culture of peace in the society.
According to Mahathma Gandhi who advocated for peaceful negotiations and non-violence in solving problems, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” Based on Mahathma Gandhi’s philosophy of promoting a culture of peace, tolerance and understanding, 2nd October has been recognized as the SAARC Day of Non-Violence and the International Day of Non-Violence.
Commemorating the SAARC Day of Non-Violence 2010, let us look at how we could promote non-violence and a culture of peace by promoting positive disciplinary measures.
Positive discipline is a disciplinary method designed to teach young people to become responsible, respectful and resourceful members of their communities. It teaches important social and life skills in a manner that is deeply respectful and encouraging for both children and adults.
When practicing positive disciplinary measures, all parties including children, together decide on rules for their mutual benefit. They also decide together on solutions that will be helpful to all concerned when they have problems. When the adult/ leader or the manager must use his/ her judgment without others input, he/she should use firmness with kindness, dignity and respect. Adults who are too strict and controlling have many rules that are created without any discussions with the parties involved and affected by the decision. In such cases, there is order but the price is no freedom, or choices. Children, co-workers, employees or members of a group can feel threatened, have little opportunity to learn to make good choices and often become defiant or too passive.
Adults, who are permissive, allow too much freedom and risk order with children or the adult members whom he/she is responsible to manage at various social spheres. Children, who grow up with permissive parents / teachers / care takers, will grow up without learning important life skills. They will become selfish and will disregard law and order not only at family level but also at social levels. If it is a social institution compromising of adults, the standards of the institution will diminish without proper law and order.
Positive discipline is based on the concept that all humans including children want to belong and contribute. When you think about it, no one behaves well by being shamed and made to feel guilty. There are better ways to help children and adults learn respect and take responsibility. With the positive discipline approach, all the persons involved in the action including children participate in making decisions that affect them based on limited choices that show respect for all involved. Rules and good behavior are encouraged and enforced with both firmness and kindness.
Nelsen provides four self-guide questions on creating long term, effective discipline. 1. Are you being respectful and encouraging? 2. Do your children/ workers feel as though they belong? 3. Is what you're doing effective long-term? 4. Does it teach them to be concerned about others, teach cooperation and accountability?
You can stop yelling, bribing, spanking and grounding. You can end the power struggles with children or with adults whom you are dealing with and improve the relationship you have with people around you. It is possible for you to raise a respectful and responsible child; and become an effective manager with positive relationships with your staff/ co-workers if you resort to positive disciplinary measures rather than violence.
According to Jane Nelsen Positive discipline helps children to feel a sense of connection (belonging and significance); it is mutually respectful and encouraging (kind and firm at the same time); is effective long-term (considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about himself and his world – and what to do in the future to survive or to thrive.); teaches important social and life skills. (respect, concern for others, problem solving, and cooperation as well as the skills to contribute to the home, school or larger community.); invites people to discover how capable they are (encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy.)
Promoting positive disciplinary measures is an effective way to uphold non-violence and a culture of peace in the society.
By
Nirekha De Silva
Research Officer
SAARC Cultural Centre
